It’s the year 2312 and Gerry Feldman is 50,000 years in debt. A hack writer of bespoke religions for high-end clients at Catholicism, Inc., all he wants to do is eat his Holy Cookie and forget everything about the world, and his own past. Why complain? He’s got it good. He lives in the Golden Zone, where people live forever and consent to corporate domination through easy-to-make monthly payments. Not like people in the Stone Zone, with their expiration dates and terrible skin. Who wants to remember stuff like history or the Holocaust anyway, when a few moments of borrowed pleasure with the best long-legged Sexics from the Bronze Zone cost just a few hours of hard time?

But now Gerry’s friend Simon, a star evangelist on the Religion Shift, has killed himself at the office. Someone has to be the scapegoat and the boss, Winston Locks, has decided that Gerry just grew horns. Then Gerry figures out that Locks has a priority action plan to take over the world through genocide and bad customer service, leverage the Earth through deep global resource exploitation, and sell whatever remains to aliens willing to pay good time for a scrap planet. He might even throw in Mars to sweeten the deal. Gerry will have to write a great new religion to save a billion lives, including his own. For a hack job like that he might even get a bonus…

BUY THIS PLANET AND GET THE NEXT-WORLD FREE! is a work of satire that asks us how much we earn when we sell our souls… and whether free wi-fi is included.


A Pre-Freudian Foreign Policy

Slate has an discouraging piece this morning describing how conservative media greeted the drop of the World’s Biggest (Non-Nuclear) Bomb in Afghanistan with almost orgastic celebration. In particular, this typically sober analysis from eminence sleaze and human gas giant Rush Limbaugh caught my eye: But I ask you to think back to the campaign, what did Donald …

Want to raise defence spending among NATO Allies? Abolish the Alliance

Yesterday, the Telegraph ran this extraordinary story calmly contemplating an honest-to-Jehovah war between the United Kingdom and Spain over Gibraltar. The idea of NATO allies fighting each other was formerly reserved to Greece and Turkey. Now the bounds of our imaginations are expanding. And as we know, in this political climate, your imagination is your …

Believability in Fiction, or Why Luke Got His Ass Kicked in Empire Strikes Back

What’s the best Star Wars movie? The Empire Strikes Back, of course. But something about ESB has always bugged me. It’s a question: For how long does Luke train with Yoda? We can’t know for sure, because the movie doesn’t give us much in the way of dates. We do know, however, that he’s training …

The Novel

To have a look at Buy This Planet and Get the Next World Free!, just click on the ‘Novel’ button at the top and read the first three chapters. Feel free to leave comments, or to contact me using the form below.


A native of Kentucky and a graduate of Yale, I’ve spent nearly twenty years tip-toeing around the edges of power. I was a speechwriter for the NATO Secretary-General, a Congressional staffer on NATO before bouncing out after an esteemed representative thought I had insulted him, and an intern for the White House. I was an intern and production assistant at CNN News Beijing when Deng Xiaoping died, and an intern at ABC News Nightline back when Ted Koppel ruled the news with a firm and unyielding sense of decency. I was an intern for the US Embassy in Sarajevo during the summer of 1998, where I witnessed then-President Clinton make serious moves on a young lady I had a terrible crush on. And I was an election observer in Moscow where prostitutes made late-night cold-calls to your hotel room, seeking clients and (maybe) blackmail material for Russian intelligence.

Now I’m an exile in Brussels, living with the love of my life, a proud Spaniard and environmentalist who works with refugees and migrants. By day, I write about European security issues for Security Europe, a Brussels-based think tank. By night, I sleep.

I have stories to tell, and a novel to sell. And I’d also be happy to hear what you have to say.